I don't know who started the tradition of Mother's Day .. but I need to send them a big THANK YOU! What a wonderful day this is .. your kids rally around you, showering you with gifts and cards made with their little hands. The excitement in their eyes when they jump on your bed in the (early!) morning, telling you that they love you and how you are the best mom in the whole wide world. I want to make this moment last forever. However, there is a reality outside this bubble that I need to acknowledge .. for it will not go away.
I will be leaving in a little over a week now -- 9 days from now. I have a lot of emotion swirling around within me. It's easy to not really think about it when it's weeks away, but now that my travel is just around the corner, it seems I have some anxiety popping up I didn't realize was there.
I really am sad that I'm leaving on the morning of my Julianna's 3rd birthday. I am a BIG birthday celebrator. I really believe it's important to make someone feel special and loved on their birthday. I guess I'll have to get creative this time around and celebrate it a bit early -- amidst my last minute packing and preparations. Leaving Julianna -- that issue is a hard one for me. She is such a momma's girl. I know she'll be okay, but it will be hard for her .. and that makes me sad. I know I'm doing this trip not only for myself, but also for my kids. If I don't take some steps to deal with this MS .. I won't be able to be the mom for my kids that they need. So I really don't see a choice .. I must go.
I recently did a high-dose prednisone treatment and I am feeling a bit better this week. My symptoms are as follows:
- I still limp 24/7 .. and I'm hoping that the procedure in Poland will fix that. If it doesn't, that will be difficult to get used to. When I walk, my right knee just gives out and that creates the "limp". I don't seem to have any balances issues at this point.
- My energy is a little better. I can do things until around 1pm at which point I just crash and pretty much rest the remainder of the day as much I can. FYI: Resting with 4 kids doesn't mean laying around on the couch, but it does mean cutting out a lot of the things I would normally do as a mom .. it means a lot more delegating and having other people help out.
- The pain in my right leg has decreased some -- but it's still there. Shaving my right leg is now considered to be a modern torture technique, one which I avoid. (Will have to figure out what to do when summer comes with that one!).
- The numbness in my extremities is about the same, however, the pain that was associated with it has decreased, which I am thankful for.
- My bladder issues (always feel like I have to go but I really don't) are off and on -- one day it's there and the next it's not. This symptom has been around since August of 2008. This symptom should also be considered as a very effective torture technique!
- Headaches - have these off and on, but not sure if they are MS related, or just seasonal allergies or? Headaches are a hard one to blame on any one thing.
- Sleep issues. Normally I don't have any issues with sleep, but lately I find that I don't sleep deeply at all and I'm waking up a lot at night with any noise. This certainly doesn't help the fatigue.
- I am having some twitching of my muscles in my arm the past few days.. frustrating but nothing that really is too bothersome
- I need to get my neurologist to check on my right eye .. feeling like it's out of focus lately so that's probably something that needs attention.
- My speech issues have gotten a bit better this week .. I was having difficulty getting out clear thoughts at times last week but it has improved this week.
I did a peek ahead of my devotional book for May 20th, the date of my procedure, and this is the verse for that day:
Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
- Isaiah 40:31
Lord, let it be so!
