In one quick thought, I find my mind whirling around the circumstances of my life. In one second I see what life was like, my diagnosis, my loss of baby, watching people live life while I watch from a distance, wondering if this is all a nightmare.. it MUST be?! ... all within a second. Makes one feel dizzy.
I don't ever seem to lose the heaviness in my heart with all these things. I keep praying to God to carry me, to lift me ... but each day I continue to physically decline and a little more of my heart and joy in life disappears. I struggle to maintain positiveness in my life .. to give that to my children. I don't want them to see me sad. My heart is also heavy for my brother, with Parkinson's, who has a HUGE hope for him in an upcoming surgery this next week. I SO pray that this is a turnaround in his health. I also worry that if anything happens to him.. I don't think I could deal with that. He is such a huge support for me. He feels so much of the same symptoms I do .. it's like we're twins (except he is the wise and brave one). Without him ...
God I don't want to even think the thought that this might be my existence until the end. Do I dare continue to pray for healing? Will you hear me? I know you hear me. But do I dare believe that you might grant my request? I'm scared to hope for fear that nothing will happen and I'll become bitter.
I feel lost ...
"Breathe Into Me"
by RED
And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge
And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe your life into me!
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me!
falling, falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
I don't ever seem to lose the heaviness in my heart with all these things. I keep praying to God to carry me, to lift me ... but each day I continue to physically decline and a little more of my heart and joy in life disappears. I struggle to maintain positiveness in my life .. to give that to my children. I don't want them to see me sad. My heart is also heavy for my brother, with Parkinson's, who has a HUGE hope for him in an upcoming surgery this next week. I SO pray that this is a turnaround in his health. I also worry that if anything happens to him.. I don't think I could deal with that. He is such a huge support for me. He feels so much of the same symptoms I do .. it's like we're twins (except he is the wise and brave one). Without him ...
God I don't want to even think the thought that this might be my existence until the end. Do I dare continue to pray for healing? Will you hear me? I know you hear me. But do I dare believe that you might grant my request? I'm scared to hope for fear that nothing will happen and I'll become bitter.
I feel lost ...
"Breathe Into Me"
by RED
And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge
And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe your life into me!
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me!
falling, falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
