Ok, just when I think things are getting better and I'm hopeful for some good days, I crash again. I just came back from a family vacation on the Washington coast, and I was, each day, starting to feel better and better. On the way home last night, however, I could feel my decline setting in.

What's the key to this whole health thing. Is it environment? I definitely did love the cool ocean breeze. Is it diet? Perhaps it's just that I need to stay on holidays and never come home? I wish I had the answer.

I did the "normal" thing for me, sent my family off to church without me as I lay in bed. I know I'm supposed to be longing for things not of this world, but all I want right now is to be part of my family's lives, and be normal.

I'm still off the copaxone injections for at least a few more weeks. I need to get rid of this sore throat (came back last night) before I start up again.

PS .. did you know that winter is just around the corner? WOO HOO!

I haven't written much. It hasn't been a very good month. I still can't get rid of my sore throat and we can't figure out why. My neurologist agreed with me to take a break from my daily injections (for a month) to see if that is what may be causing it. It's been going on for too long and I should have gotten better by now. So, it's been three days since I've not injected. I must say that I'm VERY happy to not have to do that; however, I've also had a few small mini-crashes as well.

Last night I could feel the energy draining from me. I woke up this morning still feeling pretty rough, but as I had a long day ahead of me getting family photos done out at a park, I had to push through. We spent the entire day with extended family which was nice, but I was still tired. Tonight again, I feel my body declining. I would have to say it's worse than last night's draining feeling, and tonight my throat is much worse and I feel feverish and rather like a flu (which is my normal crash-like symptoms).

I'm very discouraged. I am leaving for holidays soon. It will kill me if I am to lay on the couch while my kids are playing on the beach -- without me. My heart is broken. God, I know you hear my cries. When will you rescue me?