So, I woke up this morning and went over to the hospital to pick up my test results. As it turns out, I am pregnant after all. Floods of tears won't seem to stop. I am so confused, frustrated, sad, disheartened, and so many other emotions that I cannot seem to even put into words. I struggle so much with what God is doing. I felt so strongly that He had led me to Poland and that all things were falling into place. Now it just makes me confused, not knowing what to believe, is it His voice or not? How do I ever know if I'm in His will?

This changes so much for our family -- changes which I'm not really sure I wanted. I've always wondered how people can be sad when they find out they are pregnant, and now I know (and won't be so quick to judge!). I pray that God helps me to get to the place where I can say "God you are in control and everything will be okay". Obviously I am mourning my lack of control, and the dreams which I had fully envisioned for myself. I am completely at a loss right now.