Dawna Austin
According to Einstein's special Theory of Relativity, the duration of an event depends upon how fast you are moving.  Time dilation can be described by postulating that two observers are in motion relative to each other, yet one observer views the timeline of an event as shorter than the other observer.  The faster the relative velocity, the greater the magnitude of time dilation.  Let's face it, after the age of 40, EVERYTHING goes faster!  Yet somehow for me, I'm frozen in a static reference frame.  Simply put:



I think I'm spending too much time with my self-proclaimed "physicist" son.

Today, someone asked if I was going to update my blog and let them know how I was doing.  Hmmm, didn't I just do that?   While I thought it had only been a day or two, I was surprised to find that it has already been five days!   Five days?  This could not be so.  I only remember a few.   Maybe there is some truth to this time dilation.   Everyone else's world is going at the normal speed, yet mine appears to be moving MUCH slower.  Granted, I seem to be in a robot mode of functioning only.  I get up (because the kids wake me up), do breakfasts, lunches, dinners and somewhere in between break up disagreements, pay bills, run errands and throw in some education now and then.  Beyond that, I'm not sure there really is a world of leisure out there.  (Oh, and as a sub-note, thanks to all who bring meals, it's been a life-saver!).

That's not to say that I mind doing what I do .. I guess my point is I am wondering how five days progressed without me noticing.  Guess it might be time to clean that film off the walls of this fish bowl!

Okay -- you've asked, so here is the update:

The last day I wrote was actually a good day compared to the day following.  I pretty much melted down that following day and didn't think I could cope beyond that moment.  Thankfully, a trusty telephone call to my brother helped me from crashing completely.  He is always such an encouragement to me, and even though I don't always understand his advice (I am a slow learner), I do my best to take all his advice to heart.  So thank you Merv, for once again picking me up and carrying me.

Physically, it's been a rough week of migraines and unexplainable body sensations.  I often wake up at night feeling like my body is not my own. It's a feeling I cannot explain, so I won't even try.  My numbness in my hands has increased.  My fatigue has greatly increased.

I finally ventured out to contact my neurologist (whom I haven't seen since last July), and I have an appointment tomorrow to go over options.  I'm hoping he'll subscribe a course of IV steroids, but I don't know for sure if he'll agree to that.

Bottom line -- I'm so tired of this crazy fatigue. Sometimes I feel I can't even get off the couch.  It does feel like it's getting worse, and then at other times, it's better.  Can it really go in both directions at the same time?   I have far too many questions.  This whole process of dealing with MS has my head spinning, and at times it's almost comforting to pretend to allow myself to believe it's only a nightmare.  Often I think if I just shake my head enough, I'll wake up and realize it's all been a dream.   I know that's not the case, but part of me sometimes comes to a point where it would be a much better option emotionally.   And again, we are back at the beginning.  How do I deal with all of this?  Where do I place myself in this world.  What is my role?  What is my significance?  Questions which constantly swirl around in my head.  Sometimes I find the answers for those questions, and I feel like I can almost close the door to asking them again.  But later, the overwhelming nature of my present situation and unknown future seems to overload any security and it starts again.   I'm working on it.  If I've confused you a bit by what I've written today, I apologize.  I'm in that head-spinning point of view at the moment.  If anything, if might give you some perspective into my confusing world.

Bottom line:   your continued prayer is so essential to our survival as a family.  This process is stressful to every member of our family.  So thank you for your prayer support, encouragement and friendship. The support from family and friends has been such a blessing.  It's after midnight so I can't blame tonight's poor sleep "only" on my MS -- I'd better sign off.

Now if I can find an existence without time dilation, I should be able to update you on tomorrow's neuro appointment relatively soon.
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