Do you ever have a day where you are weak and tired .. your defenses are down, and you give in to temptation WAY too easily?  It might be that brownie covered in ice cream and hot fudge, or perhaps something else that gives comfort.  For me, it's something complete different (although now that I mention the brownie, I'm definitely craving one!). 

Last night our local weather "experts" had forecast a bit of snow. I've learned to NEVER get to excited about that announcement. They are usually wrong.  Surprisingly, we awoke to a few cm's of snow and the rain that was supposed to settle in by 7am didn't materialize.   As soon as I wake up on any given day, my body announces to me how much it likes me at that moment.  Today, it wasn't very favorable and I quickly deduced that my body was about a 0.5 out of 10.  I would have labeled it as zero, but since I was actually able to move without complete exhaustion, I had to at least be optimistic for my day.

It is my husband's birthday today.  At least I can make him coffee this morning!  So, that is what I did.  I made myself get out of bed and find my way down to the kitchen at 7am.  However, because of the rarity of snow, my kids wanted to go out and play.  This is no easy feat!  Getting kids dressed for outside winter play becomes an assembly line .. a very slow one at that!  Unfortunately, hubby didn't get his coffee in bed as I took too long to make it.  At that point, I was pretty ticked off at my body's hatred for me and it was my time to give in to my version of the 'hot fudge ice cream brownie' -- "shoveling snow".   For those of you who don't know me well .. shoveling snow is one of my favorite things in life to do.  It is freeing, peaceful and makes me feel alive!  Even though I felt so crappy this morning and could barely walk around, I was mad.   Mad that I'm stuck in this body .. mad that everyone else seems to be able to experience life and I'm stuck having to do nothing other than exist.  So, enough was enough!  Who cares what the consequences would be.  I was going to shovel that driveway!

Well, the kids decided to follow me out there and help, so there were 5 of us shoveling (and bumping into each other).  After we quickly finished our driveway, my 8 year old said that we should help some elderly neighbors by shoveling their driveway. Sounds good to me!  Off we went and cleaned theirs.  This was fun!  Once back home the kids continued to play in the backyard while I decided to "clean up" a bit of our driveway shoveling job.  I thought I would clear a bit in front of our driveway on the road, just to make it a bit more complete.  Before I realized it.. I had done a major strip of the roadway.   My neighbors must think I have some serious issues.  ha ha

I must say, my right leg is not in favor of what I did today.  I feel like I'm lifting a 100 lb. weight when I walk.  I knew I would pay for what I've done.  Do I really care? No.  Not at all. I'm so tired of being the invalid, the needy one, the weakling.   I needed to feel human - normal - useful - valid.    I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  I wish that feeling could last forever.   Unfortunately in this climate, it may only be possible once a year.   Today was my day.