It's hard to believe it's been a year since my due date. Still feels like I heard the words "no heartbeat" just weeks ago. Oh how I wish I were celebrating your 1st birthday, my precious one. Jesus, please give my baby a big hug from me!

How was it to be that I now am robbed of such joy?
Of watching you grow or finding out if you’re a girl or boy.
Never did I get to hear your cries or even see your tears,
Or kiss your little brow and hug away your fears.

I am just left here now with pain and few memories,
Of the days that were happy with you inside of me.
For you were loved and wanted oh so much,
What I would give just to have felt your touch.

The hours crawl by yet the time does not seem to slow,
I want to scream out to the world you are gone, why don’t they know?
How is the world still turning when I feel it should have stopped?
Why are people laughing and living when it feels like I can not?

Not enough tears can be shed to express the love I have for you,
No words can describe what I all wanted to be able to do.
I would have just held you and breathed in your sweet smell,
Shouted with joy and phoned all the people I wanted to tell.

But this time I called loved ones with the sad sad news,
That too little were you to live among us and I was meant to lose.
But nothing will ever erase those twelve weeks we had together,
For a piece of my heart you now hold always and forever.
Last week Daniel had fevers off and on and dizziness. I'm not sure if that was a precursor to the following or not ...

Took Daniel to Abbotsford Hospital emergency as his foot got infected post-surgery. The doctor took a look at it and said he wanted to lance it .. to which Daniel had a panicked look on his face. I asked if he could prescribe antibiotics and I would contact Children's Hospital and let them deal with it. He agreed and started antibiotics.
Saw Dr. Bozak, told him I am off copaxone.. he didn't seem to mind too much. Will see him again in spring. Time to START checking out Brain Gym more!!

All fingers SUPER sensitive and painful.. feet too.