My body is definitely in a downward spiral. Yesterday I could feel myself sinking, and by evening, it was getting worse. I spent the night in a fitful sleep, feeling the pain within my body and it keeping me from getting into that deep sleep which is so essential. My left arm has been plagued for a month with intense nerve pain, like a sharp twinge up and down the skin that makes it feel itching from hell -- but no amount of scratching even touches it. I woke up realizing today would be another challenge to fulfill my daily tasks.

I'm in that spot of "do I cry .. or do I go into robot mode and just keep going?". All of this reminds me of when my mom would lay in bed for days. I would be so frustrated that she was not able to contribute to life.. frustrated that I had lost my mom to that unseen attacker that would keep her from me for days. And here I am -- repeating history for my children, only I'm doing it 20 years earlier than my mom was. I am angry, I am frustrated, I am so sad that I feel like I'm stuck in this prison. I so want to enjoy getting ready for Christmas. I want to bake cookies and bring them to my neighbors. Yet here I sit in my bed, unable to muster up enough energy and strength to even feed my kids breakfast (thank goodness for cereal on days like these).

I hear of stories of people with immense strength, courage to keep plugging forward and seem to rise to the occasion .. it makes me wonder if I've been given all this by mistake. I don't have what it takes to be strong amidst all of this. It's such a drain on my family.

I see my neurologist tomorrow to just give him an update on all that is happening with me. Pretty sure he can't do anything about it, but it's something to note in my chart.
3 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Hi Dawna,
    sorry to hear you are feeling grotty again. You are still in our prayers. please know that this sickness was not given to you by our Father Yahweh. He loves you deeply and dearly, always has and always will. We wait for your healing breakthrough. i firmly believe that our Father does not give us bad things. you are a precious child. i wish i could say i understood but i don't. you are loved more than anyone can ever really comprehend.

  2. debbie Says:

    I spent last night catching up on all the family news - sounds like you have had more than your hands full. Yet, you keep going. We just do this for our family and kids, don't we? Yes you do have the strength to get through this. The Christmas season is full of wonder,hope and love. You will feel all this next weekend. I hope and pray that the kids will all be better and that you and your family will enjoy everything that this time of year offers. God Bless you and your kids. Not to mention your husband, who must be a pillar himself. I watched "Extreme Home Makeover-Christmas" last night - the theme was "better". Come the new year, things will get "better" .. have faith, hope and BELIEVE !
    Best wishes for the holidays,
    Debbie - Calgary

  3. Anonymous Says:

    I'm so very sorry you are going through this difficult time. My prayer for you is that our Heavenly Father will give you the strength you need for this Christmas season along with abundant blessings and joy. I know the challenges and struggles ms brings, but God is in the midst of it all. Give all your worries to Jesus in exchange for His "yoke"

    Matthew12:29-30 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
    God bless!!