My little Julianna had a fever last night, so I was up with her a bit .. so less sleep.  This morning, I continue to feel achy and numb.   What I do notice as a change, however, is that my right leg, from the knee down to my toe, feels like it has a hundred pound weight on it.  Whereas before it was numb and tired, now it's just so heavy that I have to strain to walk normal.  Rather than an intentional gait, it is now my right upper leg starting the process of the step and the lower leg somewhat swinging forward in response.  This is not a happy feeling!!

The concept of my leg getting worse is not an easy one to swallow.  Why do I seem to continue to get worse?  Is there another blockage?  It makes me wonder if I should spend MORE money to try to get it checked again .. but where would that come from and more importantly, which local professional would even be willing to look at it?  Exactly.  So many of us are in the same boat.

So I continue on during this first day of sunshine in quite awhile... praying that I'll be able to still walk as this body continues to age.   I think that's one of my biggest fears -- losing the ability to walk.

Lord help me to see the joys in the little things around me today and not focus on the fears of the future.
1 Response
  1. Inkling Says:

    I'm going to be praying for you. But I'm also going to call a couple friends from my hometown and see if they have any contacts or suggestions. And maybe I'll see about writing the ministry of health to ask them to provide the type of treatment you had in Poland. (not that I'm expecting them to actually change our system and get more specialized surgeons, but I'd rather act and hope for a response than do nothing) I too share your frustration with how the system works. I love the fact that everyone has access to medical care here, and that it's not dependent on one's employment and doesn't have the same costs involved like the States. But geez, when anything specialized and rare comes along, that's when it seems to get so hard. Family doctors want to help here, but they just don't have the expertise or experience in cases like ours, and finding a specialist is a less than desirable adventure. We should probably be awarded medical degrees after all the work and research we've done on our own to learn about how to help our different but rather rare issues. So in the midst of this frustration and fear, I'll be praying that Jesus scoops you up in His arms today and holds you close, and that you can feel Him as close as He really is.

    BTW, my friend Crystal says she knows you. You can ask her about her redheaded friend, Sara, and she can point me out (if I ever make it to church on time - I've been really bad about that lately for reasons I'm pretty sure you understand.)

    I'll sign in this time with my public blog Id, but just know that it's not nearly as authentic as yours. I have a private one that is, but I don't think anyone can see it on my profile and know they can't access it without an invitation. I'm hesitant to share it with Canadians, simply because it's a place where I deal really honestly with culture shock issues that aren't always beautiful to behold and my ugly emotions over what happened with my own health saga. I love my new home and life here in Canada, but sometimes it makes me downright homesick because there are so many subtle differences and I find myself frequently making relational faux pas when trying to build friendships with people who speak the same language as me but have a lot of differences too.

    I hope my words really do come across with the sweet and encouraging intention inside my heart. But if not, please don't be afraid to tell me so.

    love, Sara from the Bridge