Am thankful that the steroid puffer we have been using has helped Julianna's breathing issues, and last night she actually slept through without any incident.  YEAH!  Feels good to get a decent sleep. 

But wow.. just didn't think I could get worse so quickly, even with a decent sleep.  In the last few days, my hands and feet have become so super-sensitive that just putting any pressure on them is soooo uncomfortable.  Not really a convenient thing as I don't really know of any times that you have your feet suspended off the ground, not touching anything. Same with hands. You are ALWAYS touching and grabbing things, putting pressure on your hands.  Cutting meat, opening jars, pressing the buttons on the stove and many other things prove to bring more discomfort. I often find myself unknowingly holding my hands up in front of me, my palms up .. almost as if I am holding breakable air, careful not to disturb its existence.  I then realize what I'm doing and know it must because they hurt and subconsciously I'm trying to cradle them towards me .. much like a whimpering dog licking its wounds.  Interesting, the psychology of it all.    Yep, still broken.

I managed to get to church today, knowing friends would be there. I so miss interaction with the normal world.  We invited a bunch of people over for lunch after which was very life-giving to me.  So why did I also make chocolate chip oatmeal cookies for my kids after dinner? Ya, I don't know.  I haven't learned yet how to be a successful (or willing) couch potato.  However, as the day wore on, I ended up getting very weak. At this point, I feel like an 80  year old, barely making it up the stairs.  Taking my much needed breaths requires a lot of energy.  There is nothing I could do tonight other than sit or lay down.  I'm exhausted.

Praying there is some resolution to this cage I live in .. thanks for all the encouragement from so many lately.  While I feel totally broken and crushed, I do not feel alone.
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2 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Our Heavenly Father understands what you're going through as does His son. ..He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground. Luke
    Jesus relates to our anguish on a deeply personal level,you're not alone. Sometimes it gets real lonely but our precious Lord will never leave you...never
    God bless!!

  2. Clara Says:

    Thanks for sharing with us where you are at. We so want to help bear your burden. I'm glad you are getting out. It is hard not to get isolated and lonely when you don't feel like going anywhere. Keep fighting and get out when ever you can. I'm so proud of you.

    Love you dear sis~ Dorrie